FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
