You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
