Sry I called you an 8
...so i touched it.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
