i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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