Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
