Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
