He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Barsexuality is the new black.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
