I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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