I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
