Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
