true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
