Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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