there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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