Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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