im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
