you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
