Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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