Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
