well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
