Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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