we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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