He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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