god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
