he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
