You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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