somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
