I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dicks are not precious.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
