omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
