When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
