You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
