Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
