the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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