I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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