Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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