Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
