what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
