Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This baby is an asshole
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
