its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
