1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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