I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
