We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
