The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
