That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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