May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I AM VODKA MAN
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
