what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
