john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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