So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
