Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
