I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
