that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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