At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
