your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
