I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
