It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
