Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
