I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
