My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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